The Limit of a Soul
by ladybuguab
Summary: Captain Stanley's anger and frustration had been building throughout the entire shift. He eventually vents that frustration, but doing so may cost him his career.
1. Chapter 1

_The Limit of a Soul_

**Disclaimer**: As always, the Emergency! people own their characters and I own any that I may create over the course of this story. I am only doing this for fun. No money is involved.

**Author's note:** This was the very first story I began to write shortly after I discovered the Fanfiction website. It has taken me a lot longer that I had intended to develop it into something remotely close to publishable. Hopefully, I will be able to upload new sections regularly. If you ever see anything wrong or that needs to be changed or just have some suggestions for the story, let me know. I welcome your feedback.

Also, I can't remember if Captain Stanley's wife's name is ever mentioned in the show. Several authors have called her by several different names. Not wanting to step on anyone's creative property, I just picked a name and ran with it.

On with the story…

* * *

He wasn't sure what it was, but something about this shift had Captain Hank Stanley on edge. The morning had started out like most shifts. He had arrived at the station before anyone else on his shift. One member of the crew had almost been late. Chet had sprung a phantom prank on John, resulting in a wet uniform and some heated words, which was then followed by grins and promises of revenge. By all accounts, it was a normal day. The station had been called out several times, but no more than usual. All their calls had been routine: a trash fire, two "unknown type" rescues that were simple, and a small structure fire. The squad had a few additional runs. No one had died. Even Johnny had managed to avoid a trip to Rampart. So what was amiss? As much as he tried to pinpoint the problem, he just could not figure it out. So, with a heavy sigh, he returned to the mound of paperwork that constantly occupied his desk.

The rest of the men had gathered in the kitchen. Morning chores had been completed in between the earlier calls of the day. Roy and Johnny were taking turns reading sections of the newspaper. Mike was reading a manual for a new piece of equipment on the engine. Marco and Chet were playing cards. None of them seemed to notice their Captain's uneasiness. They were simply enjoying the break from calls.

After over an hour of complete quite, the tones went off sending them to a structure fire at an apartment complex. Judging by the number of stations being dispatched, it was going to be a big fire. The men quickly jumped up and ran for their respective vehicles. Once Captain Stanley had acknowledged the call and climbed aboard the engine, both the squad and the engine left the station, racing toward the call.

* * *

Captain Stanley and the rest of Station 51 arrived on scene a few minutes later. They found the first floor of a three story apartment building in flames. Since they were first ones on scene, Hank took over and began directing the men arriving to battle the fire.

Roy and Johnny were sent in to search the second and third floors. Only a few tenants lived on the first floor and all of them had been accounted for. At the moment, the fire was still contained to one end of the building but could quickly spread.

Marco and Chet were sent into the first floor with a hose to begin attacking the flames. Their goal was to protect the stairway that Roy and John was using to access the upper floors.

Captain Stanley then directed Kevin Nichols and Aaron Conley from Station 8 and Wayne Truman and Frank Stevens from Station 110 to begin attacking the advancing flames. He would send more men in to help them as they arrived.

Roy and Johnny had made quick work of searching the apartments on the upper floors. They had found a couple of teenagers in one apartment and an elderly man in another. After escorting the last of the residents from the building, Roy made his way over to Captain Stanley to inform him that the building was empty and get their next assignment.

Just as he was approaching the engine, an explosion nearly knocked Roy off his feet. He then watched as Marco helped a stumbling Frank Stevens from the building. They were followed by Chet helping Wayne Truman.

Johnny quickly met the men and directed them over the squad and its waiting medical equipment to begin his assessment.

Roy approached his seemingly speechless captain. By the time he had closed the distance between Captain Stanley and himself, Hank had regained his voice.

"Roy, you go back in with Chet and Marco to get Nichols and Conley out of there."

"You got it cap." He took off toward the building hoping that the missing men would be alright.

Once inside the building, they followed a hose that snaked out from under debris. It only took a few minutes to locate the missing men. Another ten minutes passed before the injured men were lifted into Stokes stretchers and carried out to squad and waiting ambulances.

After contacting Rampart, Roy and John carried out the doctor's orders and loaded the men into the waiting ambulances. Stevens and Truman were not seriously injured. They were loaded in one ambulance with a paramedic from their station. Roy rode in the ambulance with Nichols and Conley. Johnny drove the squad in to pick up his partner.

With the injured men in route to the hospital, the remaining firemen returned their attention to the now mostly extinguished fire. After battling the inferno for a total of four grueling hours the fire was extinguished and clean-up began.

* * *

By the time the clean-up was over, Captain Stanley was eager to leave the scene behind. "Load up. We're heading back to the station"

The men didn't hesitate and quickly jumped up into the engine. Just as quickly, Mike pulled away from the smoldering mess. The trip back to the station seemed to take forever. But finally, the engine slowly backed into the dark station.

"I am showering first. Call it a perk of being captain." Hank quickly climbed out of the cab of the engine and headed for the shower.

The rest of the men went into the kitchen for a long overdue cup of coffee while they waited for not only their turn to shower, but for Roy and Johnny to return. They were curious about how the injured firemen were doing. The paramedics had seemed worried when they left for Rampart.

Captain Stanley joined his men in the kitchen. "Who's next?"

Mike addressed Chet and Marco, "I didn't get that dirty so I can wait. One of you can go next."

Chet quickly jumped up and practically ran toward the shower. "Thanks Mike!" he called as he was nearly out of the door.

"Don't mention it," the engineer added although he knew the disappearing man never heard him.

It was then that then men in the kitchen heard the bay door start to open followed by the squad backing in. A moment later, the returning paramedics entered the kitchen to find three sets of questioning eyes following them.

"Nichols had a broken legs and some burns on his hands. Conley's got a few bruised ribs and he took in a lot smoke. Both of them were admitted for observation but they are going to be fine. They released Truman. He just had the wind knocked out of him. Stevens wasn't injured."Johnny informed the men.

"I am glad they are going to be alright. I am beat. I think I am going to turn in early tonight. Make sure that you all get to bed at a decent hour." Hank finished off his coffee and left the room.

Roy was concerned about his captain. It was unusual for him to go to bed before everyone else. "Is he alright?" He asked as Chet returned to the kitchen. Marco left to take his shower.

"I think he is blaming himself for those men getting hurt tonight. He is the one that sent them in there."

"That's silly Chet. He didn't know that tank was going to explode. None of us even knew that it was in there. If it's anybody's fault, it is that tenant's. How stupid do you have to be to store a propane tank in your kitchen cabinets?"

"I know that Johnny, but trying telling it to Cap." Mike added as he moved to leave the kitchen. Marco had returned, leaving the shower open.

Chet, wanting to improve the mood, spoke up, "Why don't we see what's on TV tonight. I am tired, but I don't think I am ready to go to bed yet."

With that, the men, minus their captain, settled around the television to watch the evening movie.

* * *

In the dorm, Hank was finding it difficult to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he could hear the explosion. He could hear men shouting into their radios that men were trapped and hurt and needed help. His mind kept telling him that it was his fault that the men had gotten hurt. He couldn't hear his heart telling him that it was just one of those things that happened, one of the hazards of the job, and that no one was to blame or could have predicted what was going to happen. He finally drifted into a restless sleep.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

_The Limit of a Soul  
Chapter 2_

**Disclaimer**: As always, the Emergency! people own their characters and I own any that I may create over the course of this story. I am only doing this for fun. No money is involved.

**Author's note:** This was the very first story I began to write shortly after I discovered the Fanfiction website. It has taken me a lot longer that I had intended to develop it into something remotely close to publishable. Hopefully, I will be able to upload new sections regularly. If you ever see anything wrong or that needs to be changed or just have some suggestions for the story, let me know. I welcome your feedback.

Also, I can't remember if Captain Stanley's wife's name is ever mentioned in the show. Several authors have called her by several different names. Not wanting to step on anyone's creative property, I just picked a name and ran with it.

On with the story…

* * *

The men experienced a rare event in the history of Station 51. Not a single call came in during the night. The only tones that sounded were those of the morning communication from dispatch. Mike, Marco, Chet, Roy and Johnny each woke feeling well refreshed and ready to face the day. Their captain wasn't so fortunate. The relentless night left him felling sluggish and weary of what the day would bring. Adding to his discomfort was the uneasy feeling he had experienced the previous day. It was returning and Hank was unsure of what to make of it.

The men made their way into the kitchen to share a cup of coffee while they waited for Mike to finish cooking breakfast. The smells of bacon, eggs, and toast cooking filled the station enhancing the cheerful mood. The meal was quickly devoured. When the last dish had been washed, dried, and put away, the men assembled to get the day's assignments.

The morning continued to be quiet. It didn't take long for all of the usual chores to be completed. Chet even found time to give the latrines an extra shine.

Roy and John had finished their tasks and had left in the squad to do a few inspections that had been missed the week before. At the station, the guys were looking for random things to do to occupy their time. The one thing they weren't doing was complaining about getting no calls. Chet decided to clean out and organize his locker. Marco worked on cleaning up and cleaning out the refrigerator. Predictably, Mike decided that he could never polish the engine too much. Captain Stanley was trying to finish a particularly dull report. His mind wanted to wander to the apartment fire. He tried to figure out if he had done anything wrong. Was there something that he could have done differently to keep anyone from getting hurt? His thoughts were interrupted by someone calling out that lunch was ready.

As he entered the kitchen, he was met by questioning looks.

"You alright Cap?" Marco expressed what the men were thinking. "You look upset. Is there something we need to know about?"

"No Marco. I am fine. What are eating?"

"Cap, we are just concerned about you. You don't usually look this worried without a good reason."

Before the captain could say anything in response, the tones went off. "Station 51, traffic accident with injuries…" the dispatcher finished and the men were on their way. Captain Stanley acknowledged and ran to the engine. Squad 51 did the same from across town at one of their inspections.

They already knew that there were injuries, but the extent of the casualties would remain a mystery until they arrived. No matter how much the six men ready themselves, there was nothing that would adequately prepare them for what they would find.

The first thing the men saw was a large delivery truck turned on its side. There were no flames visible yet. A small sports car sat crushed against the concrete center divider. It looked as though the car had driven straight into the barrier. There did not appear to be any other vehicles involved.

The men quickly exited their vehicles and began retrieving their equipment. Captain Stanley handed out his standard directions.

"Marco, pull the reel line and hose this down. Chet, pull those battery cables and help Roy and John get their gear set up. Mike, stay here and keep an eye on things. Roy, John you know what you are supposed to do. Let's get moving." The men quickly began their assignments.

Roy approached the overturned truck. He could see the driver moving inside. Climbing onto the side of the vehicle, he opened the door and called down to the driver. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I think I am alright. I just hit my shoulder. I don't think it's broken or anything. I am just going to need some help getting out of here."

"Ok, just hang on and we will have you out of there as quick as we can"

Roy then called over to his captain. "Hey Cap, can you help me pop this window out. This guy just hurt his shoulder but I don't want to have to pull him up and out of here."

Working together, the two men had the front windshield removed in no time. The driver was gingerly helped out of the truck and over to the squad. Roy had just begun checking him over when he heard Johnny calling for him. The strain in his voice had him concerned. "Cap, can you keep an eye on this guy while I help Johnny?"

"Sure. Go ahead Roy."

With that, Roy took off toward the crumpled car. He slowed as he reached the vehicle. Johnny was backing out of the car with something in his arms. It was wrapped in one of their yellow blankets. It only took a second for Roy to realize what his partner was holding. It was a small child. Judging by the way the blanket was wrapped, the child was dead, and by the look on Johnny's face he knew that it was an ugly death.

"She's dead; there's nothing I could do for her. Can you take the passenger? I still need to finish checking out the driver." Johnny carefully placed his burden down so it wouldn't get in the way of freeing the driver.

Roy moved to the other side of the car without hesitation. He found a young woman slumped in the passenger seat, obviously unconscious. Completing his survey, he found no major injuries other that a significant bump on her head, but her left leg and foot were trapped under the dash. He would need some help getting her out of the car.

Meanwhile, Johnny was just finishing his assessment of the driver. The man's right arm was obviously broken and most likely has fractured a few ribs on his right side. Like the passenger, he too has a large knot visible on his head. Although somewhat confused and incoherent, he was at least conscious.

After contacting the hospital and getting treatment orders, the men got to work pulling the victims out of the remnants of the car. Since Johnny's patient was starting to have trouble breathing from the pain in his ribs, it was decided that he should be the first to be extricated. Since he was not trapped, it was a fairly simple task, and in only a few minutes, he was out and taken to a waiting ambulance. They then turned their attention to the woman.

Roy used the brief moment while the jaws were being set up to pry the dash off of the female victim's legs to ask Jonny about the child. "Johnny, the child…" He couldn't seem to finish his question, but Johnny understood what he was asking.

"She was crushed Roy. It looked like she had been sitting in the man's lap. When they crashed, he crushed her into the steering wheel."

Roy could tell that Johnny was struggling to keep his emotions in check. 'Who wouldn't be upset by that?' He thought. His mind also brought up his own children. Then, his own emotions hit him hard. 'How could any parent be so stupid to let their child…' Before his mind to reach the dark depths of that thought, Mike announced that everything was set up and ready.

Between the three men and the heavy equipment, the dash was pulled away quickly. Mike picked up the jaws and started back toward the engine and squad. Just as Roy and Johnny had leaned into the car to secure their patients, they heard Mike's frantic shout.

"GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!!"

Captain Stanley, who had been consoling the truck driver after he overheard the deputies discussing the child's death, quickly looked up. What he saw nearly made his heart stop. He knees were weak as he realized what was about to happen. A pick-up truck was approaching at a high rate of speed. It was clear that the driver was making no effort to slow down. The way the emergency vehicles were positioned, there was no way that truck could get through without striking one of them or the disabled car where Roy and John were working. Even though he realized that he was about to watch his men get hit, Hank could not tear his eyes away from the event that was unfolding. The only thing left to do was hold his breath and pray.

Johnny and Roy both immediately looked up from their work when they heard Mike's voice. Mike was generally didn't day much, so hearing him yell confirmed that they were in danger. They could see the truck quickly closing the gap between them. Instantly, they grabbed the woman and pulled her from the car. They were forced to temporarily ignore any potential injuries; if they left her in the car, she would most likely be killed when the truck struck the car. In almost the same instant, Roy and Johnny leaped over the center lane divider and into the emergency lane of the oncoming traffic, taking the woman with them. Their feet had barely touched the pavement on the other when the speeding truck violently struck the already disabled car with sickening force.

Even before the truck came to a complete stop, the remaining men were sprinting toward the scene, hoping that their crew members had not been added to casualty list. Chet was the first to find his voice and call out to his friends. "Roy, Johnny!! Are you guys ok?"

"We're fine" Roy called out.

"Where are you guys?" Hank asked the obvious question.

"Right here." John answered as he stuck his head over the top of the concrete barrier. "Can you bring us a cervical collar and a back board? If this woman wasn't injured before, she may be now with the way were pulled her out and got her over this thing."

Almost overwhelmed by relief, Captain Stanley exhaled audibly. "Don't you ever do that to me again! You almost gave me a heart attack." Following a brief pause, he continued, "That was quick thinking you guys. Good work." Pausing again, he added, "Just how did you know that you weren't going to get hit by any cars on that side?"

A quick glance between the two paramedics told Hank more that he needed to know.

"I don't think we took time to consider it Cap. I just knew that truck was headed straight for us. We didn't have time to run, so we just did the first thing we could think of and that was jump. I guess we were lucky twice today." Johnny's explanation only added to Hank's from realization of just how close he had come to losing his two medics.

Johnny set to work checking on his original patients and updating their conditions with the hospital. In only a couple of minutes, he had the couple loaded into the back of the waiting ambulance, and the delivery truck driver with his bruised shoulder in the front seat.

During that same time, Roy went to assess the driver of the truck. He could smell the alcohol before he reached the truck. 'Great, Johnny and I were almost taken out by a drunk.' In what was a strange sense of poetic justice, the man was dead.

John climbed in the ambulance and Roy in the squad and pulled away as they headed for Rampart. The doubts and questions from the previous night had returned to Hank's mind with a vengeance. 'I should have been paying more attention. I would have seen that truck coming. I could have given them more warning. If they would have been hurt or killed, it would have been my fault. Why wasn't I in more control of this situation? I am a captain for crying out loud. Am I losing my edge? I…' His thoughts were cut off by Mike telling him that they were ready to leave.

As he climbed aboard the engine, he thought about what he needed to do. When Roy and Johnny got back from the hospital, he was going to have a talk with all of his men. First, he would apologize for nearly getting them injured or killed. They would then talk about exactly what happened and how he could have handled everything better. He would let the conversation continue is whatever direction it took after that. He knew his men did not blame him for what had taken place. But, he blamed himself. That uncertainty was making him start to question whether his was still fit for the job. For the first time in his career, the thought entered his mind that it could be time for him to move on.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

_The Limit of a Soul_

**Disclaimer**: As always, the Emergency! people own their characters and I own any that I may create over the course of this story. I am only doing this for fun. No money is involved.

**Author's note:** This was the very first story I began to write shortly after I discovered the Fanfiction website. It has taken me a lot longer that I had intended to develop it into something remotely close to publishable. Hopefully, I will be able to upload new sections regularly. If you ever see anything wrong or that needs to be changed or just have some suggestions for the story, let me know. I welcome your feedback.

Also, I can't remember if Captain Stanley's wife's name is ever mentioned in the show. Several authors have called her by several different names. Not wanting to step on anyone's creative property, I just picked a name and ran with it.

On with the story….

* * *

Just as the squad was backing into the station, the men were called out once more. It was reported as a warehouse fire. Experience told them that this was more than likely going to be a long assignment. As the squad and engine pulled out of the station, light flashing and sirens blaring, Captain Stanley knew that the talk he had planned to have with his men was going to have to wait.

The two story warehouse came into view only moments after leaving the station. The building was in obvious disrepair and smoke was already visible. Still, it gave a nearly prison-like impression, with very few windows and even fewer doors. Even though they had arrived quickly, the members of Station 51 were not the first to arrive on scene. Hank jumped down off the engine and quickly found the captain in charge. Soon, he returned to his men with their assignment. The warehouse was abandoned and there were no reports of anyone inside. Since their paramedic skills were not needed at that time, Roy and Johnny were going to get the chance to be 'regular' firemen.

Roy would work with Marco while Chet and Johnny were paired up. Given the limited number of exterior entry points for this particular warehouse, all four men entered the building though the same door.

Moving quickly down the long narrow hall, they reached the stairwell. The two pairs of men wasted no time hauling their hoses up the stairs and down another hall to a large room where the fire was raging. Immediately, they opened their hoses and began attacking the beast. Other crews were working to extinguish the fire below them.

After only fifteen minutes of fighting this fire, the men upstairs heard the sound all firemen hope to never hear a single time during their career. It was a low rumble signaling that the floor beneath their feet was about to collapse. Having moved to each side and further into the room to better attack the flames, they knew there was no way for them to make it back to the hallway they had used to reach this room. So, they did the one thing that they could to have any hope of escaping the collapse. They ran toward the flames, hoping that the water from their hoses would extinguish the flames before they got there.

Although not completely dousing the flames, the hoses were effective enough that Roy, Marco, Johnny, and Chet reached the far end of the room before the floor gave way. At the end of the room, the men squeezed into another narrow hallway. Getting on the radio, they notified Captain Stanley and explained what happen and what their plan of action was going to be. Hoping to find a set of stairs, they began to move forward dousing flames the entire way.

It didn't take long to reach the end of the hallway. It made a ninety degree turn to the right and then opened up to the floor below. Instead of finding a set of stairs, they found a balcony. Fortunately, there was no fire actively burning in the room below them. With no ropes and no way to go back, they were trapped. They quickly called in their situation to their captain. The chief, hearing the radio transmission, urgently gathered a group of men at his car to formulate a plan to rescue 51's men. Everyone could only hope that it would be in time.

* * *

(Outside…)

Standing near Engine 51, the owner of the warehouse also overheard the radio traffic. He instantly felt his knees go weak. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't want anyone to get hurt." The man mumbled as he slowly backed away. "I just wanted it to burn down. I couldn't afford to fix it up. I thought I could just rebuild with the insurance money. What…" the man's mind continued to churn. Just as he turned to somehow leave, he felt a hard jerk on the collar of his jacket. The sudden movement threw the man off balance. As he regained his feet, he came face to face with the very angry captain of Station 51.

"WHAT did you say?" The stunned captain didn't want to believe what he was hearing. Not including the early apartment fire, for the second time today, his men were in danger, all because of stupidity. The first time at the MVC today they had all been lucky with everyone escaping major injury. Now, four of his men were trapped in a building that was collapsing. There was no way he could expect his men would be so lucky this time. He could feel his single remaining thread of self-control start to break.

"I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

Before his brain had a chance to stop him, Captain Stanley drew his fist back and struck the man in his grasp. The man immediately fell to the ground holding his bleeding nose. With his control already snapped, Hank struck the man again and again before Mike was able to pull the captain up and away from the bloodied warehouse owner.

Even now that he was physically separated from the man, Hank furiously continued his verbal assault. "If any of my men are hurt in there, you better pray the cops have already hauled you off to jail. Because, if I ever get my hands on you, I will kill you. Very. Very. Slowly. And that's not a threat. It's a promise."

As he pulled away from Mike's firm grip, he disappeared behind the bulk of the engine. Once he was safely behind its shelter, he fell to knees. His shoulders began to shake as the once strong captain broke down into sobs. His exhausted mind began to process what had just happen and what he had potentially lost today, his men and his career. 'Oh no! What have I done? How could I have been so foolish? It's over, my life is over. I am going to be fired. What am I going to do?' His thoughts were also on his men still missing inside the warehouse. He had no way to know if they were alive or dead. It wouldn't really matter now, since he had ripped their 'family' apart with his actions. He could only hope that there would be no one else sharing his misery today. He continue weep for a few more minutes, as Mike, who had come around behind the engine, placed a firm arm around his shoulder and held him. Finally, his sense of duty returned. He still had men trapped in that building. It was part of his responsibility to make sure they got out. He would have to put his feelings aside for the moment and finish his job. He would have plenty of time to think about things later, while searched for another job. Wiping away his tears, Hank stood and began to move.

As the captain returned to his position to survey the collapsing building, he realized that everyone within shouting distance was staring at him. Even the chief had watched him strike the other man and was quickly closing the distance between them. He knew he was in trouble and that there was nothing to release him from this nightmare. He slowly began walking toward the chief.

"STANLEY!!" The chief called. "Over here now! Stoker, you're in charge over there for now."

* * *

(Back inside the warehouse…)

Knowing that they wouldn't have much longer before either the flames caught up with them or the rest of the floor would collapse, each man was surveying the situation, looking for another way out.

Surveying the room below, they only saw one exit. It exited in the direction where the floor had collapsed. It was likely that there would be fire on the other side and would thus be rendered useless for their escape.

Johnny was the first to speak up. "How far do you guys think you can jump?"

"What are you thinking?" Marco had no idea what Johnny was thinking.

"There is a stack of wooden pallets about six feet down. I think they will hold our weight if we jump down onto them. The problem is that they are about ten feet away from this balcony. It's a long jump. Do you think you can make it?"

Roy and Marco both immediately answered that they could.

"What about you Chet? Can you do it?"

"Well, I'm not seeing any other options at this point. So, I will give it my best shot."

"Ok. Good deal. I'll go first. I will show you how and exactly where to land. Remember to be careful. We're only going to get one shot at this." With that, Johnny stood on the balcony's ledge and leaped. Landing squarely in the middle of the stack, he quickly climbed down and signaled for the next man to jump.

In quick succession, the other three men had successfully jumped from the balcony. Both Marco and Chet had some trouble with the landing and would undoubtedly being sporting some bruises for a few days.

"Well, we're down. What's your plan now Johnny?"

"I'm still working on that part Chet."

"Great, we just nearly jumped to out deaths and you didn't even know what we were going to do once we got down here."

"Shut up Chet and let me think."

Moving to the door they had spotted from the balcony, Johnny checked it with his hand. It was indeed hot, indicating fire on the other side. "Can't go that way," he said to no one in particular.

Roy had also been looking around their new surroundings. It was definitely an old building. There was no other exit from this room. Walking along one of the walls, he had a realization. "Hey, I think this is an exterior wall!"

Marco quickly moved to the wall. "I think your right."

"They can cut a hole in this wall from the outside. We can get out that way."

"Well, what are you waiting for Roy? Get on the radio and get us out of here." Johnny's smile would likely have been visible for miles.

In only took a couple of minutes for the other crews to reach the missing men's suspected location. They quickly set about sawing a hole in the wall. Soon, light from outside began spilling into the room as a hole opened up. One of the men outside stuck his head in. "Hey, I heard you guys might like a little fresh air. Well, there's plenty out here."

The four formerly trapped men wasted no time moving to the new exit. Numerous shouts went up as the men were helped out of the building

* * *

Once the men reached the engine and squad, they began taking off their SCBAs and coats, each just wanting to sit down and relax for a few minutes. Before any one of them could find a seat, Mike approached. "The chief wants you all to head over to Rampart to get checked out."

"But Mike, none of us are injured. We're just to relax for few minutes."

"Now Johnny, don't shoot the messenger. I am just doing what the chief asked me to do." Mike had only taken a few steps back toward the engine when he turned back around. "Oh yeah, he said one of you could drive the squad in. I guess it's up to you all to decide who."

Roy, using his seniority of Johnny, quickly announced that he would drive the squad. As he was helping Johnny herd Marco and Chet into the waiting ambulance, he glanced over toward the chief's car. He was surprised to see his captain leaning against the car, apparently on the receiving end of some very stern glares and a few terse words from the chief.

"I wonder what that's all about." Roy wondered aloud.

Following his partner's gaze, Johnny thought for a moment, but then shrugged and with a grin concluded, "Maybe he just figured out why the Cap burned his hat."

"I doubt that, but whatever it is, I get the impression that it's serious." With that, Roy shut the doors to the ambulance and quickly got into the squad and headed for Rampart.

* * *

(Meanwhile, over at the chief's car…)

Although he was relieved to see his men leave the warehouse under their own power, he knew he couldn't go meet them and look them over, to convince himself they really were all right and they had been fortunate yet again.

"I have no choice Hank, but to relieve you from duty effective immediately. There will be a formal investigation followed by a hearing. I will let you know more about everything in the morning. For now, I don't want you to move from this spot until we get this fire cleaned up. Then you can ride the engine back to the station. From there, I strongly suggest you go home and spend some time figuring out exactly how you are going to explain what just happened."

"Yes sir," was the only think he could think of to respond. Resigned to his fate, Hank slowly lowered himself to the pavement, closed his eyes, leaned back against the car, and waited. He began to wonder where he could go from there. His career, he knew, was over.

As soon as the fire was out, the chief released Mike from the major clean up and sent him to collect Hank and return to the station. During the short trip to Station 51, neither the engineer nor his captain spoke a single word. Neither had any idea what to say. As soon as the engine had come to a stop, Captain Stanley went directly to his office and slammed the door shut. About twenty minutes later, he left the office with a box and moved to his locker. He stuffed as much as he could in the box and quickly left, again speaking not a word to his obviously worried engineer. Reaching his truck in the back parking lot, he pitched the box on the seat, to one look at the station, got in and drove away.

* * *

The very crowded squad backed into the station nearly thirty minutes after Hank's departure. All four men piled out of the cramped space and went to the kitchen in search of coffee. They also wanted to talk to Captain Stanley. While at the hospital, they had heard a crazy rumor and they wanted to find out if it was true.

"Glad you could make it back. Is everybody ok?" The normally quiet Mike asked, relieved to have someone to talk to, yet worried about how his station mates would react to what happen while they were stuck inside the warehouse.

"Yeah. We're all fine. A few bumps and bruises, but nothing a good night's rest couldn't cure."

"That's good to hear Roy. I was worried about all four of you there for a while."

"Well, we were worried about ourselves for a while there too." Chet added. "By the way, where's Cap? Is he in the shower?" He was eager to satisfy his curiosity over what he had witnessed as he got into the ambulance.

"No Chet, he isn't in the shower. He left."

"He left? Why? Where did he go?"

"I don't know where he went. He left because the chief sent him home after what happened tonight."

"Sent him home? What? What happened?"

"Yes, Johnny, I said the chief sent him home. He is on leave pending an investigation."

"Investigation?"

"He decked a guy while you all were stuck trapped. The guy said something about not meaning for anybody to get hurt, that he only did for the insurance money, or something like that. Cap just snapped and decked the guy. He got in a few good punches before I got them separated."

"I don't believe it. We heard something like that at the hospital, but I didn't want to believe it."

"Well, Roy, he did. I don't think I would have believed it either if I had not have been there myself. The one positive thing is that since the guy he punched is likely facing arson charges, it unlikely that he will press charged against Cap." Mike refilled his coffee cup before continuing. "As soon as we got back here, he cleaned out his desk and locker and left. He didn't say anything, on the way back here or before he left."

"So you have no idea where he went?"

"None. But the chief did tell him to go home. I just hope he listened."

* * *

After leaving the station, Hank did indeed go home. Luckily his wife wasn't there. He still had some time to figure out what he was going to say to her to explain why he was home early. So, he went to the refrigerator and removed a beer. Quickly downing it, he reached for another before going outside to deck overlooking his back yard. As he stated to relax, all the memories from the day before came crashing in. The explosion that nearly killed four of the men that he himself had sent into the apartment. Next, the speeding truck that nearly leveled his paramedics. And finally, his men getting trapped in the warehouse. He also remember losing his control an attacking the warehouse's owner. Despair again washed over him as he realized that even though none of his men had been killed, he had more than likely lost something almost as dear, his career. Letting the alcohol relax him, Hank Stanley drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

_**Even though it is highly unlikely that he will read this, I would like to say how proud I am of my twin brother. Earlier this month, he was hired by one on the city fire departments near my hometown. It is a huge step up from the department he was working for. It is something he has been wanting for a long time. He could not be more happy, and I could not be more proud.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_The Limit of a Soul_

**Disclaimer**: As always, the Emergency! people own their characters and I own any that I may create over the course of this story. I am only doing this for fun. No money is involved.

**Author's note:** This was the very first story I began to write shortly after I discovered the Fanfiction website. It has taken me a lot longer that I had intended to develop it into something remotely close to publishable. Hopefully, I will be able to upload new sections regularly. If you ever see anything wrong or that needs to be changed or just have some suggestions for the story, let me know. I welcome your feedback.

Also, I can't remember if Captain Stanley's wife's name is ever mentioned in the show. Several authors have called her by several different names. Not wanting to step on anyone's creative property, I just picked a name and ran with it.

On with the story…

* * *

Four days after being suspended, Hank was in no better mood. If anything, he had begun sinking into depression. He had spent most of his time on the back deck at his house. He only moved to go to the bathroom to take care of business and to get in bed at night. He barely ate. His wife Mary had run out of ideas to improve his mood, so she just let him sit out there. She knew he would eventually reach the breaking point. She just hoped that she would be able to pick up all the pieces when it happened.

Before lunch, Hank was tired of sitting. So, he started looking for something to change his mood. He went inside into the kitchen. What he found was alcohol, and plenty of it. Mary was not home and wouldn't be until late in the evening. She would not be there to stop his drinking, and for that he was grateful. He had never been a heavy drinker. 'I guess there is a first time for everything.' Hank reasoned as he returned to his post on the deck.

By the time the sun set, there was almost no alcohol left anywhere in the house. Hank knew he was drunk. Very drunk. But, he didn't care. He had accomplished he goal, he couldn't remember why he had been drinking in the first place. Not being accustomed to so much alcohol in his system, Hank slid into a deep sleep.

That is how Mary found him when she got home. Though disappointed, she certainly didn't blame him. She understood that he was deeply hurt and those wounds would not heal quickly or easily. Pulling some blankets off the couch, she moved out onto the deck bedside her husband. Covering him with one blanket, she covered herself with the other as she sat down in the chair next to him. He was her husband. If he was going to suffer, he wasn't going to do it alone. She was going to be there right beside him, whether he wanted that or not.

* * *

'Why is it so bright in here? Did Mary open the curtains or something?' Hank's confused brain began to function. Cracking his eyes slightly, he realized that he was still out on the deck from the night before. Embarrassed, he bolted upright, fully intent on going inside before his wife awoke. The quick movement served as a reminder of how much alcohol he had consumed, as his stomach threatened to revolt. He eased himself back down into a reclining position. How was he going to explain this to Mary? Turning over to relieve some of the pressure on his back, he froze. In the chair next to him was his wife.

To him, she had never looked more beautiful than she did at that moment, even after spending the night outside sleeping in an uncomfortable chair. At his lowest point, she had not left him alone. For the first time since the incident at the warehouse, Hank began to consider that he would still be able to live life without his career in the fire department. No matter what decision was made at the hearing, there was a chance, however remote it still seemed, he could be happy again.

Gently waking his wife, they went inside and shared breakfast together. He then tackled the long neglected yard work. He had finally started feeling like himself again. As Mary watched him from the window, she allowed a slight smile to appear on her face. She had a feeling that no matter what happened over the next few days or weeks, Hank would be alright.

* * *

He knew there would be a formal hearing. It was unavoidable. It had been ten long days since his outburst at the fire. Hank had finally gotten word that his hearing had been scheduled for two days later. Knowing the date only served as a reminder of his misery.

In a change from his usual routine, Hank left his house and went for a drive. At first, he had no idea of where he was going. He did know that he was tired of the waiting game, tired of the unknown. After driving aimlessly for over an hour, Hank had made a decision. He knew how he could take hold of the situation. There was one way he could control the outcome, end the nervous waiting. He was going to resign.

Arriving back at home, Hank made a few important phone calls and then sat down and began writing his formal letter of resignation.

* * *

"He WHAT?!?!" Roy shouted into the phone.

"He told Captain Russell that anything of his left in the desk could be thrown out because he wasn't coming back, that he was going to resign before the hearing.

"Johnny, call the guys and tell them to meet us at my house ASAP. Just tell that we want to talk about what is happening with Captain Stanley. You can tell them about his resignation plan once they all get there. Then we are going over to have a talk with our captain."

It took only thirty minutes for the men to arrive at Roy's house. Neither Mike, Chet, or Marco could understand the urgency behind this meeting. After exchanging pleasantries, all five men took a seat around the kitchen table.

"So John, what's up with this emergency meeting?" Chet decided that he was going to initiate the conversation.

"Well, I got a phone call from Captain Russell this morning. He said that Captain Stanley told him that he was handing in his resignation."

"He what? Why?"

"Mike, that's exactly what Roy said. Why? I don't know. It's like he doesn't want to fight this. I never thought that he would give up on anything so easily."

"So what can we do about it?"

Roy took his turn to answer. "That's why we called you all to meet us here Marco. I think we need to have a talk with him. He needs to know that we won't give up on him that easily and neither can he."

"So, what are we waiting for? Let's go." Chet stood and started for the door. The other four men were close behind him.

* * *

Hank had finished writing his resignation. He was surprised at how easily it had come together. To him, this was added justification that he was making the right move. Hearing a knock on his front door, he placed the letter on his desk and went to see who was knocking.

He was momentarily stunned to see his entire crew standing outside. After only a brief hesitation, he spoke. "What are you guys doing here?" He stepped back and let the men enter. They all took seats on the various couches and chairs in the living room.

Johnny took charge for the group. "We heard an interesting rumor and we are here to find out if it's true."

"Well, that depends on what you heard."

"Rumor has it that you are going to resign."

"The rumor is true."

"But why Cap? Aren't you going to stand up for yourself? Doesn't this job mean that much to you? How can you give up that easily?"

"Trust me Mike, making that decision wasn't easy. You have to understand the situation."

"So, help us understand."

"Chet, I punched a man, more than once, while on scene, during a fire. I lost my self control. I couldn't handle my emotions. The only thought that I had was that I was going to watch you all die. And I got mad, madder than I have ever been before in my life. I snapped. Everyone at that scene, the chief included, saw what I did. There is no way they are going to let me keep my job."

After a brief pause, Hank continued his reasoning. "I want to leave this job on my own terms. The only way that I can do that is to resign. Please believe me when I tell you that I never thought I would be handing in my resignation. But, I think that it's best for everyone involved if I just walk away."

"But Cap! You can't do that. You can't just walk away without a fight. We will talk to the committee at the hearing. We can make them see what a good captain, what a good man you are Cap. If they can't see that, then maybe we should all resign." Mike desperately pleaded with his captain, the others nodded in agreement.

"Mike, it's not open for discussion. I will not have anyone ruin their career to save mine, the same career that I so effortlessly threw away."

"I would have done the same thing if I had been in your place." Chet added to the plea.

"You can't possible know that Chet. You have never been in my place." Hank shot back. Then quietly added, "And I hope you never are. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."

He turned away from his mean to gather his thoughts and hide his emotions before turning back to them. "There isn't anything else for you all to do here. And I do not want you to be at the hearing. So go home. Someone will call and let you know what the outcome is."

"Cap, we aren't going anywhere. We came here to stand up for you and to stand beside you. You would do the same thing if it was one of us facing that committee."

"You're right John. If it was one of you facing disciplinary action, I would be there. But it's not one of you, it's me. And it wasn't a suggestion. For now, I am still your captain, and as such, I am ordering you to leave and stay away from that hearing."

"But..."

"Just go!" Hank could see the hurt in his men's eyes. He didn't want to do it, but he couldn't bear the thought of his men witnessing his downfall. The hearing would be in two days. He still didn't know exactly what was going to happen or how he would react. There was no way he wanted his men to see him breakdown, if it came to that. He could only hope that they would be able to forgive him for his harsh words in the future.

Realizing that their captain wasn't going to change his mind, all five men quietly left the house. The only thing left for them to do was wait. And waiting was something none of them had ever been good at. Captain Stanley had just ordered them to stay away from the situation, and as much as it pained them to do so, they would follow that order, hoping it wouldn't be his last.

After leaving the house, the five remaining members did not go home. They returned to Roy's house to try and figure out a way that they could help their captain without disobeying a direct order. After nearly three hours of discussion, they had formulated a plan that just might work.

* * *

Time passed quickly for Hank. So quickly in fact, that he had never mailed his letter of resignation. It still sat on his desk. The morning of the hearing, he picked it up as looked the envelope over. It was ready to be mailed. He had even attached the stamp. Moving over to the garbage can, he ripped the letter into several small pieces. He no longer needed it. The hearing would decide his fate later today, long before the letter could reach the chief's hands.

Mary had cooked breakfast for him, but Hank hardly ate anything. He mind was too busy thinking about what could happen today. Soon, it was time to leave and he and Mary got in the car and drove to the fire department's headquarters building. Just seeing the building reminded Hank that he was scared, though he would never admit it. He was scared that when he walked out of the building later, it would be the last time, as a disgraced and dismissed firefighter. This was the building where his career had started, and there was a very real possibility that this was where it would end.

Entering the building, he was met by Steve Anderson, his representative for the hearing. Steve was an old friend and retired firefighter who had volunteered his services as soon as he heard what had happened.

Steve went over the entire process that was about to happen. He explained that the committee was made of five members, three captains from battalions other that Hank's and two civilian community representatives. He explained how Hank would be asked to recount the events of the day in question. He also explained the types of questions he would be required to answer.

As he finished explaining the procedures, he gave Hank some advice. "Just be completely honest. Answer every question the best that you can. Don't let the questions get to you. They have to ask those questions. They have to gather all the information. You are a good man Hank, and a fine captain. I am sure that they will see that. It will all work out. You'll see."

Hank had only a few words to say. "Let's just get this over with."

So, the two men walked into the conference room and took their seats. And, the hearing began.

* * *

It took nearly five hours to give his testimony and answer all of the committee's questions. They had taken another hour to break for lunch, during which, Hank said nothing to his wife. In fact, he said nothing at all, to anyone.

When Hank and Steve walked out of the room while the committee deliberated, Hank felt totally exhausted, both mentally and physically. He felt more tired than if he had fought a four alarm fire all day long. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. But, he couldn't leave until the committee has delivered its decision.

After only an hour of waiting, Steve quietly approached Hank, who was sitting on a bench in the hallway near the conference room.

"Hank, the committee has come to a decision. It's time for us to go back in."

"Thanks Steve. I will be ready in just a second."

"Take your time. They will wait for us."

Hank stepped across the hall and looked out the window to gather his thoughts. The sun was shining bright, reflecting off the water in the decorative fountain below. People moved up and down the sidewalks, oblivious to what was going on in the building as they passed. It has all come down to this. His future had already been decided for him. There was nothing else he could do or say to change what was about to happen. Would he be fired, or would he get to keep his job? Did he deserve to keep his job? Realizing that he was only delaying the inevitable, Hank turned back around and walked over the door that stood between him and his future. Taking a deep breath, he turned the door knob and walked in.

The five members of the disciplinary committee had returned to their seats at the head of the room. Each looked up as Hank and Steve entered the room, the expression on their faces unreadable. The two quickly sat down to await the announcement of the captain's fate.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, committee leader Captain Markham spoke. "Captain Stanley, this committee has taken into consideration all of the testimony given over the course of this hearing as well as that given by your men in written letters."

Hearing that his men had written letters to the committee of his behalf momentarily stunned Hank. He had ordered them to stay away from the hearing. But, had he really expected them to back away without so much as an argument? Deep down, he knew that they would be there any way that they could. Writing the letters was the only way they could help him and not disobey his order. He felt humbled that his men would go to that length, that they would do absolutely anything in their power to help him, to try and save him.

"After a short deliberation, this committee has reached a decision."

'So, it has come down to this. My future has already been decided. I hope I can handle what is coming.' Hank mind raced along with his heart as the committee began to give its judgment.

"Based on your record and the testimony during this hearing and that given by the men under our command, it is the belief of this committee that you acted under an extreme amount of stress. The idea that you could possibly lose four of your men could not be an easy situation to be in. We have all been in similar situations before. While we cannot condone your actions, we can certain understand your reaction to the situation. We believe that it was an isolated incident and unlikely to occur again in the future.

While your actions seem to have justification, there will have to be consequences. We cannot allow anyone accused of such actions to walk away unpunished, whether justified or not. So, it is the committee's decision that you shall be suspended without pay for a period of sixty days. During that time, you will be required to attend weekly anger management classes. After successful completion of those classes, and at the end of those sixty days, you will be allowed to return to work as a captain on your current shift at Station 51.

Should you chose to appeal this committee's decision, you will have thirty days to file…"

Hank heard nothing more as his mind reached the realization that he had not been fired. He still had the job he loved almost as much as his wife. His men were still just that, his men. He knew he should be happy, but at the same time, he was nervous.

Sure the committee said that they believed that it was an isolated incident. But was it really? How could they know that he wouldn't react the same way the next time a similar situation arose? The doubts that had plagued him prior to the hearing had not gone away with the committee's decision. He just hoped they would over the next two months.

* * *

"Sixty days. What am I going to do for sixty days?" Hank questioned as he and Mary as they arrived home after the hearing. Mary had insisted on eating dinner at a restaurant as a sort of impromptu celebration. However, Hank's heart just wasn't in it. They shared a quiet meal with almost no conversation. The ride home had been just as quiet.

"Oh, I am sure that we can think of something," she said as she smiled. Reaching over to take his hand, she continued, "Just remember, you still have your job. Before you know it, you'll be right back with your men like nothing ever happened."

"I just hope I can do my job. One momentary distraction, on lightning quick lapse in my attention could kill someone. And I ever lose control again like I did, there is no doubt that I will be fired. I would not be so lucky next time."

"Don't worry so much Hank. You will be just fine. Once you get back to work, you will see that you are still the best captain in the department, and you know your men wouldn't want to work under anyone else. They still trust you; that has never been in question."

"I wish I shared you confidence." He quietly went up the stairs and made his way to bed.

* * *

_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

_The Limit of a Soul_

**Disclaimer**: As always, the Emergency! people own their characters and I own any that I may create over the course of this story. I am only doing this for fun. No money is involved.

**Author's note:** This was the very first story I began to write shortly after I discovered the Fanfiction website. It has taken me a lot longer that I had intended to develop it into something remotely close to publishable. Hopefully, I will be able to upload new sections regularly. If you ever see anything wrong or that needs to be changed or just have some suggestions for the story, let me know. I welcome your feedback.

Also, I can't remember if Captain Stanley's wife's name is ever mentioned in the show. Several authors have called her by several different names. Not wanting to step on anyone's creative property, I just picked a name and ran with it.

On with the story…

* * *

The two months passed quickly for the men still on duty. It was the longest sixty days of Hank Stanley's life. He had completed his anger management class and received his release to go back to work although he was still unsure what he had supposedly learned during those classes.

One of the points that were stressed during those classes was to decrease stress. Hank had to quell his laughter the first time the instructor had mentioned that one. 'I am a fire captain. Just how in the world am I supposed to decrease my stress level? I think stress is even written in my job description.' Another session turned somewhat humorous for Hank when the topic for the day was learning how to accept blame instead of pushing off on others. From the instant Hank's fist had connected with that man's face, he had blamed no one but himself. The one lesson of the entire course that was hardest to accept was learning skills in forgiveness. He knew that there was no one to forgive, only himself. Yes, that was the hardest lesson of all. Though not entirely convinced that there was nothing else he could have done to change the outcome of any of the situations that culminated with his outburst, he was finally able to begin to let go of some of his insecurities. He knew he would have to continue working at complete forgiveness. But, at least he had realized that there was somewhere to go from here. When you are at the bottom, there is only one way left to go, up.

The night before his return, Hank had planned to spend the evening relaxing with his wife. They had enjoyed an early, quite dinner and then moved into the living room to watch some television. Hank had already prepared his gear for the following morning. He had packed his clothing, polished his badge, captain's pins, and even his shoes. He could only hope that he was mentally and emotionally ready.

Around 8pm, there was a knock on the front door of the Stanley home. Knowing that he was not expecting any visitors, Hank reluctantly stood up and made his way to the door. After a brief hesitation, he slowly swung open the door. When he saw who had summoned him, he wasn't sure how he felt. Should he be happy or worried?

Standing on the other side of the door was all five of his men. This was the second time that they had all shown up at his doorstep. Each man carried some form of food or beverage. Johnny stepped up and explained their presence. "Cap, we want to talk to you for a little while. Can we come in?"

Still unsure of what to expect, Hank stepped back to allow the men to enter. "Sure, I guess. Mary and I were just watching a little television."

"We'll just drop this stuff of in the kitchen." Roy made the suggestion and everyone followed him into the house. The man proceeded to drop their offerings onto the table.

"I don't know if there is really anything to talk about. There is nothing for me to say. " Hank wasn't sure what they expected from him.

"That's ok Cap. We didn't come here to talk with you; we came to talk to you. There is a difference you know." Johnny grinned and then continued. "You don't have to say a word. In fact, we would prefer it if you didn't. We have a lot to say, and we know you want to get some sleep before tomorrow. So, the less you say, the quicker we get out of here."

Nodding, Hank and the guys dished out the food and drinks and made themselves comfortable in the living room.

"I think I will get this started." Mike said as he stood. "While I wasn't almost run down by a drunk driver and I wasn't trapped in a building, that does not make me any less involved in this situation." All four of his crewmates nodded their head. "That day on the MVC scene, Cap, you were trying to calm that truck driver after he heard that the child was dead. You know as well as I do that you were doing exactly what you needed to be doing."

"What I needed to be doing…" Hank started to interject, only to be cut off by Johnny.

"Hey, remember Cap, we came to talk TO you, not talk WITH you. So, we don't want you to say anything at all until we are finished. Deal?"

"Alright, I will let you get away with that tonight. But tomorrow, if you start telling me what to do, I will have you scrubbing that latrine with a toothbrush."

Mike again took the floor. "That truck driver was just as much of a victim as the family in the car. Comforting a victim is a critical part of this job. And who else was supposed to do it? Johnny and Roy were stabilizing the woman. While they were working with the passenger, Chet was monitoring the driver of the car and setting up the other gear that Johnny and Roy would need once the woman was free. Marco was hosing down the spilled gasoline. I was running the jaws. Tell me, who was left? I don't how good of a captain you are, you only have one set of eyes and one set of ears. Its not your fault that the drunk came flying through the scene."

Chet decided it was his turn to speak. "Wow Mike, I didn't know you knew that many words. I am impressed." He was rewarded for his humor by a warning stare from Mike, while the others tried to hide their amusement. "Like Mike said, it wasn't your fault. You want to blame someone, how about the cops? Why didn't they stop that guy before he reached the scene? Why don't we blame that drunk driver, even though he is dead? If it wasn't for him, then it would have just been another routine accident scene. Or what about the driver that caused the first accident. If there wasn't an initial crash, then we would have never been on scene in the first place. I could keep on listing people to blame, but I think I have made my point."

Marco felt it was his turn. "Chet's right, of you are going to blame yourself, you have to blame us too. I was hosing down the gasoline, but I could have done that and still kept an eye on the scene. Maybe I should have spotted that drunk coming long before he got so close. Sure, it was a bad scene, but we have had things like this happen before. Remember when Johnny got hit be that car? Was that your fault too? No, it wasn't."

"What about the warehouse where we got trapped?" Roy began his turn. "Sure that guy intentionally set the place on fire. But, it wasn't our first arson fire and I know for a fact that it won't be out last. And what happened inside that building was pure coincidence. It could have happened at any fire that we get called to. It was an old building, needing to be torn down. It was not your fault that the blueprint of the floor layout did not match what was actually inside the building. You had done everything you could to prepare us for that fire. What happened that night was purely a fluke. There is no one to blame for that. "

It was finally Johnny's turn. "I think the other guys have made it pretty clear why you should not blame yourself for anything that happened. If any blame somehow existed, there is a whole list of people who would have to bear the burden. Each one of us," he gestured to his four shift mates, "are included in that list." Standing up, he moved to stand beside Hank. "Cap you have provided us with all of the appropriate training and expertise you possibly could. We are confident in what we do. We trust you with our lives. We always have and we always will. Nothing has changed that. You are the glue that holds our shift together. You are the best man for the job and we wouldn't want anyone else."

After giving Hank's shoulder a supportive squeeze, Johnny moved back to the other side of the room with Mike, Chet, Marco, and Roy. He continued his speech. "So you see cap, we don't just want you back. We need you back. We could not be more ready to have you back with us at the station." Johnny finally concluded. "And by the way, you can speak now if you want to."

Hank was struggling with his emotions and couldn't seem to find his voice. Finishing his glass of water, he was finally able to speak. "Look guys, I know about the letters you all wrote on my behalf to the committee. I really appreciate what you did, the lengths that you went to support me."Hank looked around at each man. None of the men looked surprised at that revelation. "I know why you did it. It was the only way you thought you could help me without disobeying my order. I shouldn't have ordered you all to stay away. We were supposed to be a team, and I pushed you away. "Hank paused a moment. "I want you to know that I am sorry and that it will never happen again."

When the men stood to take their leave, he said the only thing he could think of, even though it seemed inadequate. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

As the last man out the door, Mike answered, "We just wanted you to know how we feel. We are excited about getting you back."

As he closed the door, he leaned back on it and let his emotions take over. So, they wanted him back? This was the second time that all of his men had shown up at his door, both times to show how much they supported and needed him. Their opinion of him didn't seem to have changed. He wished he could say the same for himself. The only way to know if he could really do his job was to try. He told himself that he would finish this first shift, and then decide what to do with his future, whether to stay or retire.

…

Soon after the men left, Hank climbed into bed. The alarm would go off in the morning, and he would go to work. He also knew that he wouldn't sleep much tonight. There was too much on his mind. The whole incident replayed over and over, from the night of the fire all the way through the hearing. His mind spared no detail. His last thoughts before finally succumbing to a sleep were of the words his men spoke as they explained exactly why he was not only a good captain but a good man. Though their words had provided some comfort, he was still unsure if he would be strong enough to once again handle the stress of the job, or if he still had the desire to be there at all.

Finally, as the day of his return arrived, Hank was awake and out of bed before the alarm went off. It didn't escape his notice that Mary got up with him. While he busy getting showered and changed, she had cooked him breakfast. There was a steaming cup of coffee next to his plate as he entered the kitchen.

"Do you know how much I love you?" He asked his wife as planted himself in the chair.

"I think I do, but it is always nice to have you remind me." She replied while wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind as he began to eat.

Twisting in her arms, he kissed her gently on the cheek. "I love you more than you could ever know. And I'll prove it when I get back home."

"I know you do. Just make sure you do come home, so I can hold you to that." She hugged him tighter and then released him to finish his breakfast. Draining the last of his coffee, he stood, picked up his bag and headed for the door. He kissed his wife one last time before he got in is his truck and pulled out of the driveway. At long last he was returning to his Station 51, a place that not long ago he was afraid he would never again be able to go. He knew he was early, but he couldn't wait any longer.

Pulling into the station, he was nearly overwhelmed by what he saw. All three shifts of firemen from station 51 were already there. He also spotted the chief's car. He thought he recognized several others. Walking into the station, he was bombarded by the same overwhelming feeling from the parking lot. There was a large "Welcome Back" banner hanging on the wall. Below it, the men were lined up to greet the returning captain as he walked past. First in line was the chief.

"Welcome back Hank. It's good to see you back in uniform and in this station."

"Thanks chief."

Next in line, all of his men stood waiting. No one but he and they knew of the conversation that had taken place the night before. Mike, who Hank could swear had never smiled so big in his life, was first in line. "It's great to have you back cap. It just wasn't right working without you."

Roy and Johnny were next. "It looks like the team is finally going to be whole again. Welcome back cap." "Yeah, we really missed you cap."

Marco and then Chet expressed similar sentiments. Hank had vigorously shaken the chief's hand. But as he passed each of his men, he pulled them into a strong hug, remembering exactly what each man had said to him the night before. He quickly returned handshakes to everyone else.

Once Hank had reached the end of the line, the chief "ordered' everyone into the kitchen for the festivities to continue. As he came through the door, he found all the men's wives and girlfriends putting the final touches on the food, enough to feed the entire shift, for days. His wife had even somehow managed to sneak in while he was still being greeted outside. In the middle of the table sat a cake decorated appropriately with a fire engine.

"Who wants cake?" Chet interjected and the men quickly set about filling their plates

Before they could devour the cake, Captain Stanley stepped toward the center of the room and gathered everyone's attention. "If you don't mind, I would like to say a few words."

"Sure." "Go ahead." "It's you party." Other affirmations were heard from around the room.

"First," the captain began. "I would like to say thank you to everyone who stood by me during this whole ordeal. I don't think I would have made it without each and every one of you. It was something I never want to have to face again, and I glad it is all behind me now."

"Aw cap, you know…" Chet began, but was quickly silenced.

"Shut up you twit and let me finish."Muffled giggles were heard around the room as Chet looked appropriately embarrassed, though it likely more for show than anything else.

"Yes, sir."

"As I was saying, you all stood up for me when I was having trouble standing up for myself. I have learned a lot over the past couple of months. I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. " Before he could continue any further, the captain, as if being answered by the fire gods, was cut off again as the station's tones sounded, quickly ending the party as the men slipped into their professional routine. Their guests began to put away the food, take down decorations, and find the exits.

"Station 51, traffic accident with injuries….," the dispatcher continued, giving the men their destination. As soon as the bay door reached the top, both the squad and engine pulled out, sirens blaring, heading for their call location. Each man could feel it in their gut that this scene was going to be bad. Hank's initial thought was 'Not again,' remembering the last traffic accident he had worked. He almost lost two of his men at that scene. He quickly pulled himself back to the present. He had told himself he would finish this shift before making any major decisions and that was exactly what he was going to do.

It took nearly eight minutes for the engine and squad to arrive on scene. It was as bad as they had feared. There were at least two cars that were heavily damaged or destroyed with a few more showing evidence of being involved. Yes, it was going to be a long shift. A request was made to dispatch for more man power and more ambulances.

Wasting no time, Captain Stanley stepped out of the engine and assigned each man to their task. Roy, Johnny, Marco, Chet, and Mike took their places and began to work. From their initial assessment, two people were dead in one of the demolished cars. Miraculously, the two still trapped inside the other were alive, badly injured, but alive none the less. Roy and Johnny worked to stabilize them. Meanwhile, their shift mates worked feverishly using all the tools at their disposal to pry an opening in the mangled metal wide enough to pull the victims to safety.

Somewhere in the middle of the chaos, Hank stopped and looked up to check on his men. With a grin appearing on his face, he stated to anyone who may or may not have been listening, "It's good to be home." The tight grip on his soul began to loosen. Yes, he could find his personal forgiveness here. And yes, he was the best man for this job and he knew it. Things would quickly get back to normal.

END

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_*Thank you all for reading. I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did._


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